Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he thought i was a dude.
Michael Bay diarrhea
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
