Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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