My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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