Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
