When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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