I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
