I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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