I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
