Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
