you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
