So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
