I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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