After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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