I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
