Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to get me chipped asap
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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