so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she woke up with a sticky ear
there's paper in my vomit.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
