i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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