first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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