Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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