Having a random hookup so left but love u
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
