i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
