I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
