So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
