I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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