I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
