I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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