I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you bring me the toilet please
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He did a backflip because drugs
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