those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
