Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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