THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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