I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
