Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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