I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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