Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
