Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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