i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
send nudes
from the living room?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
