I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
