oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
