What a fucking waste of an outfit
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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