I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
