Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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