this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
