I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
