Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
