So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
