My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
