I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
