Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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