Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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