I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
