In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
