Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
