I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just tell him i said nine months
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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