I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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