Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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