He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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