its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
