So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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